As I have mentioned before, Kairos Ministries and the Langstaff Letters are becoming a family affair. Our grandson Mitchel Plaisted has already written a number of Langstaff Letters and will continue to do so in the future. This week we have one written by our granddaughter, Hayley Plaisted. Recently, I received one of her blog posts entitled, “Why God?”. Now, most Christians if they are honest have at one time or another asked the question “Why God?”. Why did this happen? Why didn’t something happen that I have been praying for? Some Christians feel it is wrong to ask “Why?” of God, believing that we should always be trusting God, no matter what. However, we can act in faith and still ask questions as long as, through it all, we are trusting God.

After all, Jesus asked questions of the Father when He was on the cross suffering and dying. He cried out to God the Father, “My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken me?” Matthew 27: 46. In the same way, Hayley shares some of her deepest feelings as she too grapples with the question, “ Why God?”

by Hayley G. Plaisted

Every believer comes to a point where they ask the question, “Why God?” If God is good, how can so much pain, suffering, and evil exist in this world? If He really cares, how could he let this happen to me? I first faced this question in 2011 when my dad unexpectedly passed away. I was nine years old, and the tragic loss to my family completely shattered my trust in God. How could a good and loving God allow such suffering in my life and the life of my family?

Looking back, it was then that a war began inside of me between struggling to trust God and knowing that He was the only one worth trusting. As the years passed, the questions just continued to pile up. Chronic fatigue, a heart condition, a blood pressure disorder. From my earliest memories, I can only recall wanting to do one thing – dance for the glory of God. There seemed to be a constant conflict between what I felt God wanted me to do and the means by which He had given me to do it.

In 2020, my mom was diagnosed with cancer and became wheelchair-bound, drastically changing life for my family again. In the wake of that change, I began to have issues with my back and found I had minor scoliosis and disk degeneration. Another, “Why God?”

Why God, have you allowed all this in my life? Why God, have you called me to dance when so many conditions hinder my body? Why God, do I feel so hopeless and alone? I have asked so many questions of God, and yet it all circles back to His one reply, “Will you trust me?”

In the face of all my doubts, I was struck with a concept from 2 Corinthians. In 2 Corinthians 11, Paul responds to those claiming that he did not “measure up to the standards of a true apostle” (pg. 93). They had questioned his authority and claimed he lacked boldness. Now, it is implied that they attacked his lack of rhetorical eloquence (Hernando, 2006, pg. 93). Paul replies to this attack, “even if I am unskilled in speaking, I am not so in knowledge (2 Corinthians 11:6a, ESV). A commentary I was reading interpreted it this way, “Paul’s words carry a stinging rebuke for those who, when weighing the worth of a preacher, prefer style over substance and charisma over content” (Hernando, 2006, pg. 93). While there is something to be said for good presentation, ultimately, it is not about the eloquence of the message but the heart of it.

I had allowed my insecurities about my ability as a dancer to cloud the purpose and heart of why God had called me to dance. Not understanding how I could be used for His glory with so many flaws, shortcomings, and weaknesses, I stopped looking at myself as a dancer. Honestly, it was often less a lack of understanding and more resentment over how His plan differed from my hopes and dreams. I had forgotten that this was not about me but all about Him.

Just as Paul boasted in His weakness for the sake of Christ, I was being called to do the same in my life. His grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9a, ESV). I needed to agree with Paul when he wrote, “Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10, ESV).

It all circled back to God’s one question, “Will you trust me?”

My answer is “Yes.”

What will yours be?

At the beginning of 2023, God challenged me to audition for a summer dance missions opportunity. The experience has been less about whether or not I will be accepted and more about whether or not I am willing to put myself out there as a dancer for His Kingdom. I want to share my audition video with you in the hope that you may be encouraged. God is working in your weakness, and you can trust Him even in the “Why God?”


Hernando, J. D. (2006). Corinthian Correspondence. Global University.