by Alan Langstaff

Back in June 1980 my wife Dorothy and I together with our two daughters Beth and Joy accompanied by Joy’s poodle dog, Cindy, arrived in Minnesota to begin a new chapter of our lives. An adventure of faith as we followed what we called our “Abraham Call.” Abraham was called to move to a new land and so were we.

Now nearly 45 years later… my eldest daughter Beth died two years ago, then last year my wife Dorothy went on to heaven and then this year my youngest daughter passed on. So I have lost the three dear women in my life. Now I am assured that I will see them again fairly soon because I believe in the promises Jesus made concerning being with Him in heaven. Nevertheless, it has been a hard season as I have walked through the valley of the shadow of death. So it has been a bittersweet time as we have gratitude to God for our lives over these many years, and at the same time, we are sad because they have gone from our presence.

In the light of all this, I thought, that while it was still fresh I would share some of my thoughts about “walking through the valley.”

Here are some reflections:

TEARS

We mourn but not without hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13) for we have a secure hope in Jesus. So there have been plenty of tears in the midst of sure and certain hope. As an adult, I cannot remember shedding tears but I have sure made up for it in this season of my life.

The Bible records that Jesus wept such as when Lazarus died. So it is not wrong to shed tears. Indeed that was the advice that as a pastor I gave people when loved ones passed.

God’s word is so reassuring –

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7 NKJV)

JOB

I have experienced in some small way what Job experienced in a big way. See Job 1:13-22, as he experienced such a big loss, touching his family and his possessions.

I can hardly imagine how Job must have felt on the Old Testament side of Calvary. Even on this side, it is often hard and we certainly need the grace of God to bring us through. I have a fresh admiration for Job.

FAMILY

Although my wife and daughters have gone on to heaven I still have my family which consists of six grandchildren (4 in Minnesota and 2 in Germany). The local ones particularly have been loving and helpful in this time of grief. At the recent Memorial Service for Joy, all four of Joy’s children took part and they did great. I was so proud of them. It was a service that honored Joy and brought glory to God and I received many comments after the service regarding how wonderful were Joy’s children, my grandchildren. I thank God for my family.

FRIENDS

I am fortunate to have a team of ladies who help me every week. You have heard of “Charlie’s Angels.” Well, these are “Alan’s Angels.” One lady comes on Monday and helps me in all sorts of ways, taking me to medical appointments (actually her husband helps me too). Another comes on Tuesday to check my INR. A friend does my shopping and likes to be delivered on Thursday when my regular caregiver is here. She does a great job in so many ways. Then there is a neighbor who supplies me with a container full of mashed potatoes each week. Some friends came over and painted the front fence and cleaned up the front yard. Also, I am grateful for all the people who have come for a meal and brought food with them. In addition, friends visit me regularly (I don’t drive anymore). I thank God for all these friends and wonder about people who don’t have any.

SLOWING DOWN

I have learned that when you get older (I will be 90 years old next February) one has to recognize you usually have to slow down. It takes me longer to get dressed, etc, in the morning and this requires doses of patience. I am learning one doesn’t have to be in a hurry all the time. Maybe I should have learned that years ago. Maybe you need to think about this too.

NEARER TO GOD

The 23rd Psalm declares – “though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; For You are with me” (verse 4). I have found that even in times like this God is real and He is close to us.

This year I have chosen to read a chronological Bible, putting the Scriptures in order time-wise. At the moment I am up to the prophet Jeremiah and Ezekiel and see so many parallels concerning the world we live in.

Years ago, when my son-in-law, David, unexpectedly passed away, I was in prayer and I found myself saying over and over again – “I don’t understand, but I will trust the Lord anyway.” There are many things in life I don’t understand but I have committed myself to trust the Lord anyway. There are things I don’t fully understand but I know from the Word as well as experience that God is good, all the time.

GRACE OF GOD

I have reflected much in recent times. In one of these times, I reflected on this “God must have thought I could handle these situations by the grace of God, and not in my own strength.”

God has promised us not to be tempted or tested above what we are able (1 Corinthians 10:13). I will not complain, I am not angry about life and certainly not angry with God even though I don’t understand all that has happened. I will trust the Lord no matter what. He is good all the time and I trust Him completely.

LAST WORD

At the Memorial Service for Joy, a friend left a poem for me. So I thought I would finish off this Langstaff Letter with this poem. So here it is.

“For Alan Langstaff”
A poem for Alan as a Remembrance of his family

Many years ago, when you landed in America,
You and Dorothy heard and heeded the word to soar far.
First in Australia, then America, God never forsook,
You traveled, crisscrossing the country, wherever you could.

Dorothy was your woman, made for you by God’s gracious hand;
She was a forerunner, sharp in her wisdom and a love that no one could bend.
Together you raised two beautiful daughters, Beth and Joy, what a pair.
Both grew up before us, filled with the Spirit, with no despair.

Charismatic renewals, celebrations, TV stations, prophetic conferences. What was the key?
The Lord prepared a table before you in the presence of your enemy.
Wonderful answers came, your heart was filled with holy surprise.
The Holy Spirit was working and walking with you. You rolled the dice.

Cathedral of Praise, then Antioch Christian Fellowship, became the hub,
From which activity, mission trips, prophecies and gifts were shot.
Ventures, enterprises, pursuit and undertakings would not be denied,
God was glorified, the Word grew and the Word was multiplied.

Only God knows what happened beyond these days,
Tragedies visited you and Dorothy; life turned into a stumbling race.
David, your son in law, full of praise, cut down at a bold young age.
A shock and fury entered your life, holy rage.

Then Beth died in Germany.
A brilliant mind, a thinker outside the box, with no enmity.
A lover of Jesus, always seeking the distant horizon for more.
She left you, an unthinkable sorrow knocked on the door.

Dorothy, the forerunner, stormed heaven’s gate.
Your sweetheart, partner, fellow sojourner, she did not wait.
She was your helper, healer, often heard a word from the Lord,
Together you two wandered through desert and oasis in one accord.

But now Joy has disappeared into God’s place.
She was your daughter, your glue and your living link in this work of grace.
God’s immense comfort must engulf you with mercy untold,
And surround you, protect you, and carry you in His deepest fold.

Those who are left, grandchildren and great grandkids so tall,
Have a heritage and legacy that is filled with power to answer the call.
They will carry the mission, the torch of the gospel into every uncharted place.
Everyone will hear, many will believe and Jesus will be glorified through the Father’s grace.

*It was written by a friend and colleague Pastor Helm Heckel. We worked together for some 10 years or more.

Perhaps you are walking through the valley right now, maybe you are in the midst of trouble and life is hard. Turn to God and cling to Him. He loves you and He will never forsake you. Tell Him, “Lord I don’t understand, but I trust You no matter what.”