The full title of this Langstaff Letter is “Living in the Tension Between But God and But if Not.” It is written by Ross Winchester an Australian missionary who has served in South East Asia for many years. On one occasion when he was in America he ministered in our Church a whole weekend. Since that time we have kept in touch by email and I have regularly prayed for him. He raises issues that many of us who have battled with physical conditions including cancer have asked. As such he is what one person described, “Thank you Ross for your ‘gut honesty’ and your unyielding faith.” So here it is “Living in the Tension Between But God & But if Not.”
Pray for Ross and for his healing.

LIVING IN THE TENSION BETWEEN BUT GOD AND BUT IF NOT
written by Ross Winchester

There are a lot of people who don’t understand healing, and I am one of them. I don’t understand why some people are healed, and some are not. A lot of accusations are thrown around as to why some are not healed, like lack of faith, sin, and curses. Maybe some are true, maybe not. There are too many variables to make definitive judgements for each individual case. Some advocate a formulae approach to healing. If you do A + B, then God must do C. Others prefer a more passive ‘just leave it to God’ approach. Whenever the subject of healing is addressed, there is often pushback by those who hold alternate views and brand the stated approach as extreme, whether that be extreme faith or extreme passiveness. So I expect there will be those who think I am falling down the wrong side of their preferred doctrinal stance in this article, and that’s fine, as I’m slowly learning that not everybody will agree with me, regardless of what I say.

It might be helpful to introduce myself at this juncture. I am an Australian missionary serving in Asia for the last 40 years. Earlier this year, I was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer, which has since metastasised to the abdominal cavity lymph nodes and the liver. The advice from my oncology doctor was – get your affairs in order. Basically giving me no hope. This is obviously a challenging journey I am on, and I am still navigating through the morass of questions, doubts, and faith issues. A particular speed bump I am facing is that I am not processing my experience from ground zero. After serving in Thailand for an initial 11 years, my family returned to Australia. During this time, my first wife Bronwyn was diagnosed with cancer. We prayed, believed, fasted, anointed with oil, with lots of people joining us in faith and prayer. Sadly, Bronwyn lost the battle with cancer. We didn’t understand why God did not intervene. We know He could have if He wanted to. Nevertheless, our stance was like the three Hebrew youths who refused to bow to Nebuchadnezzar’s image.

NKJV Dan 3:17 “If that is the case, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and He will deliver us from your hand, O king. 18 But if not, let it be known to you, O king, that we do not serve your gods, nor will we worship the gold image which you have set up.”  

We knew that God was able to heal and deliver Bronwyn, and we held on in faith. However, as her condition deteriorated, we resolved that whatever happened, we would not bow to bitterness or resentment. Bronwyn died in faith. There were still many why questions, but there always will be on this side of eternity. NKJV 1Cor. 13:12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. Concerning my medical condition, this is how I am approaching it. The fact is I have cancer. I’m not in denial, but I also believe there is something greater, higher and stronger than the facts, and that is truth. The truth is God is Jehovah Rapha. He is my healer. My times are in His hands, and no weapon formed against me shall prosper. Therefore, my faith is firmly in God that He will heal me. In the meantime, I will take all that medical science can offer and what the doctors cannot do, I believe Jesus can, and I will hold onto His promises. I have heard many powerful messages on ‘But God.’ The crux of these messages is, ‘There is a challenging situation you are facing, but God… Everything may look impossible, but God…’ At the moment, I find myself living in the tension between ‘But God’ and ‘But if not,’ as in the story of the three Hebrew youths. Yes, I believe God can intervene in any impossible situation, but I also believe that sometimes God has a different agenda than ours. He could have delivered the Hebrew youths before being thrown into the furnace, but He chose to bring them through the fire.

I spoke with a pastor from New Zealand recently, Paul de Jong, who is also going through a cancer trial. He finally came to the conclusion that the most important thing was not what outcome he wanted, but what God’s purpose was in this journey. I find myself resonating with Paul’s words and ask myself, ‘What am I supposed to be learning through this trial? I’m certain that God never wants to waste a good crisis, therefore, I must look beyond my own expectations and try to learn what God wants to teach me, what opportunities He wants to present to me, and how I am to apply my faith. The words of Mark Twain help us to identify the importance of finding God’s purpose. “The two most important days of your life are the day you were born and the day you find out why.”

In trying to understand how healing works, I am looking at it through the prism of God’s Word and also the lens of my own experience. I believe that healing requires a fighting spirit. Trusting in God does not mean being passive in the battle. We must put on the whole armour of God and fight for what God has promised us. I also find that formulae prayers tend to leave the sovereignty of God out of the equation. We cannot control God by His promises. We may do the A+B, but that does not mean God is always obliged to give you a C. If we do not allow for the sovereignty of God in our situation, then our prayers will sound like, “Not your will, but mine be done.” Rather let us follow the advice of C.H. Spurgeon, “Let God be God.”

At the end of the day, the words of the Apostle Paul bring an eternal perspective to our earthly sojourn. NKJV Phil. 1:21 ‘For to me to live is Christ, to die is gain.’ For a Christian, this is a win/win situation. As I live in between the tension, my cry to God is, “Lord, I believe, help my unbelief. I know you can heal me. I believe you will heal me. When and how you heal me, I will leave in your loving hands. My responsibility is to firmly trust in you that you do all things well and will fulfill your purpose in and through my life – whatever that may look like.”

https://sirnorm.com/guest-writers/living-in-the-tension-between-but-god-and-but-if-not/

A CONCLUDING THOUGHT FROM ALAN

It so happens that my daughter, Joy, is also fighting a battle with cancer. Joy has been for well over 20 years the administrator of Kairos Ministries and a Board Member as well. She has experienced much suffering these last twelve years or more but through it all she has maintained a positive attitude and continued to trust God to meet her needs.

So I would ask for your prayers on her behalf. God is faithful and we trust God no matter what.