Last week’s Langstaff Letter entitled ‘Nearing Home’ brought good responses, including those from some older readers. One recipient wrote, ‘This Langstaff Letter really touched my heart.’ Another reader wrote, ‘In my opinion, this was one of your best letters.’ Someone else responded, ‘My prayer is that I will depart this earth when I am old and full of days; that is, that I did all that God required of my life.’

All this has led me to write about some of my recent experiences following the passing of my wife, Dorothy. Here are some of my thoughts on such things as grief, death, suffering, and the future. 

GRIEF

It is natural for people to go through a season of grief. As a pastor, I used to tell people that initially, it would last from three months to three years, depending on how close the relationship was to you. So, as I have been going through the initial stages of grief, I found that tears were a constant part of it. Even now, writing these words has brought tears. Not that tears are wrong. They are not. Even Jesus wept (e.g., Lazarus’ death). Also, the Bible reminds us that we do not ‘sorrow as others who have no hope’ (I Thessalonians 4:13). I know Dorothy is in heaven and has no more suffering, but I grieve because I miss her so very much. We were married for almost 65 years. But I have the assurance that I will also see Jesus and Dorothy in the not-too-distant future.

GRATEFULNESS

It is so easy to be sorry for yourself or have a pity party when faced with challenges or suffering, but I couldn’t do that. Instead, I knew that I needed to be grateful for all the years that Dorothy and I shared together. And there is so much to be thankful for, even when we feel that we have the right to complain about our situation. For example, at the end of 2022, I fell and broke my hip, spent a week in hospital, and then three weeks in rehab. As a result, I did not get to celebrate Christmas Day at home with Dorothy. However, while in rehab, I noticed on the TV stories about soldiers coming back from war with major injuries, such as no legs or arms. By comparison, I did not have much to be sorry about.

An old hymn states it simply, ‘Count your blessings, name them one by one and it will surprise you what the Lord has done.’ I am so grateful that I got to return home and spend many more months with Dorothy. I am so grateful for the wonderful and inspiring memorial service we had for her and for all that we shared together over the years.

FAMILY

What a difference family makes; to have a family that loves you and cares for you. This year, I was able to do what I hadn’t done in years. That was to have Christmas dinner with most of the family at my daughter Joy’s home.

My daughter Joy, although dealing with cancer herself, has continued to help me. She is also the administrator of Kairos Ministries, where she proofreads and edits the Langstaff Letters, making suggestions as needed. Without her, there would be no Langstaff Letter.

Joy, along with a couple of her children, made sure to come over and set up some Christmas decorations for me, including a Christmas tree. It was wonderful to have things decorated for Christmas.

Going through the last few months, I have realized how hard it must be for those who do not have family, as I am so thankful for my family, which now includes Joy, six grandchildren (two who live in Germany), two daughters-in-law, one great-grandson, and two more great-grandchildren on the way (due the end of March and the beginning of May). I love my family, and they love me.

FELLOWSHIP

As I have said before, for the last three years, I had felt I should stay home with Dorothy, who was housebound. We watched and listened to services online or on the TV or radio. On Christmas Eve, I was able to attend church again when I went to church with Joy and some of the family. The following week, I returned for the New Year’s Eve service. As I wrote recently, the biggest thing I missed the last few years was the fellowship of other Christians who gathered together to worship God. I plan to attend church again regularly.

FRIENDS

When you are grieving, you are suffering. Friends can provide such encouragement and help during this time. Each Thursday, I have a caregiver come to help clean the house and do the washing and other odd jobs around the house. She was Dorothy’s caregiver for the last six months. She and Dorothy became close friends, and Dorothy loved her. Some special friends, Tracy and Gary, did so much for Dorothy. They have continued to help me. For example, as I don’t drive at the moment, they have driven me to appointments. Another friend, Brenda, does the grocery shopping for me each week online and has it delivered to my door. Karen, our neighbor across the street, has been faithful in bringing me a pot of mashed potatoes each week. I could go on to include so many other friends, such as those who have come to visit me, bringing with them a delicious meal to share. Many other friends have also kept in contact with me by calling, emailing, or sending cards. Friends, indeed, are a gift from God.

HOME ALONE

You probably have seen the movie ‘Home Alone.’ Well, that is now me, as I am living at home by myself, although I try not to get into too much trouble.

It is strange to be here all by myself, yet I am thankful that I have this wonderful home on the edge of a small lake. Dorothy and I lived here together for some 25 years. This was the longest we had lived in one place, as at one stage in our life, we had lived in twenty different places in twenty years. Dorothy had received a word from Dick Mills, a friend of ours, that God would give her the home of her dreams. Well, God did, and this home has been the best home we have ever had.

PRAYER

Time after time, I have been told, or I have received a card or note from people telling me, ‘I am praying for you.’ I don’t know all that people have prayed for, but I know that people have been praying for me. How grateful I have been for those prayers, as I have felt borne up by the prayers of other people.

SUFFERING

As I have grown older, I have come to the conclusion that suffering is part of life here in a broken world. The church needs more solid teaching on the subject of suffering and death. It is easy to declare that Christians if they are living a victorious life, should not have to suffer. But consider the life of a person considered one of the greatest, if not the greatest Christian that ever lived. I am referring to the Apostle Paul, who wrote half the New Testament and who led the first missionary journey that took the Gospel to the world of that day. I encourage you to read about the last years of his life, most of which were spent in jail. He suffered as a minister of the Gospel, and he suffered more than most. If we are called to suffer for Jesus, let us ‘look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God'(Hebrews 12:2). I have come to realize we need a new understanding of suffering, and even death.

THE FUTURE

Many, many friends who sent cards or have written to me declared, ‘You are not going soon. God has more things for you to do.’ Well, I guess that God does or else I would have gone with Dorothy.

After I retired from pastoring in 2019, I felt that God had several things left for me to accomplish:

• Taking Care of Dorothy, which I have sought to do faithfully. I was her primary caregiver and preferred to stay at home with her. Even in the last year, we shared many precious times together, such as reading books aloud.

• Publish ‘The Best is Yet to Be,’ the follow-up book to Dorothy’s book ‘Called Together. The transcript was almost ready over two years ago, but I felt the Lord was saying that there were still a couple more chapters to be added. The hope is to have it published this year.

• Clean out the house and get it ready for sale, as I don’t want to leave all of this to the family to do.

There are also more tasks I would like to complete, as well as writing more articles for the Langstaff Letters. One goal for this year is to read the Bible right through. I have chosen a chronological bible (NIV), something I have always wanted to read.

THE LORD

One can not ignore the place and person of the Lord Himself. These days of grief have come with the reminder ‘that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose'(Romans 8:28). They have come with the reminder that He has declared, ‘I will never leave you or forsake you’(Hebrews 13:5). It has come with a reminder that God is God and even though at times we may not understand all that is happening, we can trust God no matter what. He is mighty. He is God. He is loving. He is awesome!

So, the call, as always, is to keep our eyes on the Lord, for He is all that His word says He is.