One of the blogs I read regularly for my edification and also for material for various Langstaff Letters is Breakpoint Daily with John Stonestreet of the Colsen Center. Recently, two of his blog posts caught my attention, and I want to draw on them in this Langstaff Letter. The first post was entitled ‘Married People are Happier,’ and the second ‘Dear Teens, Virginity is Good for you.’ So, let us look at marriage and virginity.

MARRIAGE

Breakpoint references recent research and the question of marriage.

“Writing at UnHerd, sociologist Brad Wilcox and the Institute for Family Studies’ David Bass point to new research from the University of Chicago that suggests that “Americans who are married with children are now leading happier and more prosperous lives, on average, than men and women who are single and childless.” And not just a little bit happier, either. According to Wilcox and Bass there is a “startling 30-percentage-point happiness divide between married and unmarried Americans.” 

In other words, the happiness divide and the marriage divide are largely the same. Sam Peltzman, lead researcher behind the University of Chicago paper, isolated all other factors among thousands of respondents, including income, education, race, location, age, and gender. He concluded that “the most important differentiator” when it comes to who is happy and who is not is marriage. “Low happiness characterizes all types of non-married,” Peltzman writes, whether divorced, widowed, or never married. “No subsequent population categorization will yield so large a difference in happiness across so many people.” 

In other words, the decline of marriage over the last several decades is causing the decline in happiness, or at least most of it. As Peltzman told The Atlantic in statistical hyperbole: ‘The only happy people for 50 years have been married people'” (breakpoint.org).

Now, that is quite a conclusion, especially in a time when marriage is not always valued in sitcoms, movies, or in the media. The idea so often is that marriage is unnecessary or is an ‘old ball and chain’ that eliminates your freedom and reduces your sexual exploits, especially in an age of casual sex.

I need to point out that there are many single people who are happy, specifically those who are actively involved as Christians in ministry situations. I myself can think of many such people who are happy serving the Lord.

Nevertheless, we need to point out that marriage was God’s original plan for His creation, and that is why it has been the one lasting institution that survived centuries, that is, up until the last 50 or so years, going back to the sexual revolution of the 1960s.

People have asked me the question, ‘What about cohabitation?’ where people shack up prior to getting married or do so without ever intending to go through the marriage ceremony. My answer has been that cohabitation is like renting a house, and marriage is like owning a house. Marriage requires a level of commitment that deepens a relationship between two people. It is encouraging to observe research confirming a Christian view of marriage: that marriage and children are more likely to bring happiness.

As John Stonestreet goes on to point out, “Of course, happiness isn’t the sole or even the best reason to get married. Many things in life carry deep meaning and significance that don’t necessarily make us happy. A life lived only for happiness is a futile “chasing after the wind.” Enduring suffering, overcoming trials and tragedy, or sacrificing time, energy, or even our lives for others are all richly worthwhile pursuits that yield rewards in eternity. Certainly, loving someone and raising godly children is worth it, even if it’s not always fun.  

And we should note, “happiness” is a malleable word. When survey participants say being married or having children made them “happy,” they may often mean that these permanent connections give them lasting joy, something more profound than fleeting happiness, which surveys seldom quantify” (breakpoint.org).

Let us get back to God’s original plan, as the Lord leads, for the marriage of a man and woman usually produces children, and that is, for most people, the source of God-given happiness.

VIRGINITY

Let us now turn to the second Breakpoint post entitled ‘Dear Teens, Virginity is Good for You.’ Here, John Stonestreet starts off by stating, “Research consistently shows that young people who wait until after the wedding have a better chance for a stable, fulfilling, happy marriage. They also do not have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. Though this does not fit with contemporary assumptions about human beings, obedience to the Lord’s loving plan always works best, and brings incalculable benefits into our lives.  

While we may or may not hear this kind of moral clarity in church, it’s been quite a while since the government has admitted the negative consequences of unmarried sex, particularly for teenagers. However, a 2016 report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention stated clearly that young people who are virgins register much higher in nearly all health-related behaviors than those who are sexually active. These behaviors included everything from using seat belts to avoiding drug abuse, eating a healthy diet, going to the doctor, exercising, and avoiding riding with a driver who’s been drinking. In addition, one finding that the media did not mention at the time is that while sexually inactive teens are healthiest, sexually active homosexual and bisexual teens fared significantly worse than their sexually active heterosexual peers” (breakpoint.org).

As a minister, I have celebrated the marriage of couples, some of whom did not even kiss until they were married. I am sure they made up for it after the wedding. There is no question that from a Biblical perspective, virginity is the desired way to go.

John Stonestreet goes on to offer some advice to parents, when he writes, “Parents who care about the health and wellbeing of their children should especially take note of this data and have confidence that they can make a difference for their child. Researcher Mark Regnerus highlighted in his book Forbidden Fruit that the intensity of teens’ religious beliefs is more important when it comes to sexual activity than exactly what religious beliefs they claim. 

The first thing, then, for parents to care about is our kids’ faith. A strong, informed, and vital relationship with Jesus will help them resist the kinds of temptation and peer pressure—sexual and otherwise—that assault them every day at school and online” (breakpoint.org).

One other matter to mention is that young people getting married often receive instruction from such sources as pre-marital counseling, reading material, videos, etc., especially in the areas of sexuality, where men and women are different. i.e., Men are stimulated by sight, whereas women are generally stimulated by touch. Men are easily stimulated in regard to sex, whereas, while there are some exceptions, not so quickly for women. Many women report that sexual intercourse alone does not produce a sexual climax or complete fulfillment.

I was once asked the question, ‘Can a man lust after his wife?’ I replied, ‘Lust takes, love gives.’ The Bible has much to say about this in books like Song of Solomon and Ephesians.

CLOSING COMMENTS

So, research confirms what the Bible has taught us about God’s rules for the relationship of marriage that go back to the book of Genesis. If we want a happy and fulfilling Christian marriage, we need to follow God’s original plan.

RESOURCES

https://www.breakpoint.org/married-people-are-happier/

https://www.breakpoint.org/dear-teens-virginity-is-good-for-you-2/